Video Games

KIM KARDASHIAN: HOLLYWOOD Review

Kim Kardashian, whether you love her, or you hate her, you know who she is. Did you know she has a game though? Did you also know that game isn’t as bad as you may think? I know I didn’t, but to be fair, I had zero expectations when I took the job.

I tend to usually not pay much attention to celebs as I’ve learned, I get confused about how some people are famous, and get jealous. So for me, it’s best to just not focus on that stuff.

When you hear Kim Kardashian has a game though, what do you expect from that? Maybe something tasteless some jokester made in flash, but I’m sure you definitely are not thinking about a role playing game made by a real company.

Glu Entertainment Inc. (who?) created the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood game, and as you can tell by the name it takes place in Los Angeles (hey, that’s where I’m moving!) and takes you to places like, Beverly Hills, Hollywood, and I don’t know because I haven’t unlocked them.

I can confirm though, those places are in fact in LA, wait, okay yes, they are real. Dumb jokes aside I did it, I played this game, until I had to do a photo shoot for an hour, then I had to go to my real life job (ugh why don’t I work in a Kim K job) so I haven’t been able to return back to it. Here’s what I’ve got so far though.

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You start the game by “kustomizing” your character, you have the choice to be male or female, so I went ahead and chose female. Then your adventure begins with you, working in a clothing boutique. Your boss asks you to close up, while you’re doing so guess who comes up to try and shop? Yep, it’s Kim ya’ll.

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You proceed to give her a free dress, and she asks you if you want to join her at her photo shoot. So that begins your first “job”.

After this you go to a coffee shop, or, bar? I’m not sure what is actually, but who cares? You’re approached by a very tan man who is interested in you because you’re now friends with Kim K.

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You’re then given the choice to either network, or flirt with this man. He was too tan for my liking so I just networked his orange ass. Upon leaving the bar, or coffee shop, again I really don’t know what it was. Either way on your way out you’re immediately hassled by orange man Dirk’s (dirk? C’mon) ex girlfriend, and she is very upset to know you were speaking with Dirk. She then goes on to tell me I’m “hashtag: ratchet” and says I’m a nobody, okay, that’s cool.

Maura doesn’t care because she’s awesome, and I made her really hip with some sweet Jeffrey Campbell like heels. After this hoopla Kim let’s me know I should get an agent, then comes my favorite character- Simon.

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This guy cracks me up, he’s an old so he doesn’t quite grasp internet lingo and just says random stuff like “swag” for no real reason. He gets you more modeling jobs and soon enough you’re on your way to being famous.

Then comes, the issue with time. If you’ve ever played a game like FarmVille, or The Simpsons Tapped Out, you’ll understand this. You gain money and “K” points for completing jobs, these jobs work in real time, so you really have to wait an hour before doing anything. So if you’re really sucked in, this will bring you right back out.

So, that’s about all I’ve got. I tried to continue with the game but the servers were down, but I think I’ve got about all I need from this game.

The game itself is in no way the worst thing I’ve ever played, but it’s also not very good, it’s just a bit of a time waster. Which is fine, lots of people enjoy playing these games, and that’s okay. I’m not here to insult anyone and what try play, I’m just here to tell you what I thought about the game.

The game itself is sometimes humorous, and visually it’s pretty dang cute. It’s already on it’s way to making 200 million by the end of the year, you may be asking yourself how in the world that happened, but it’s all those in game offers. You can buy money, and points to speed up the process and not have to wait, but get ready to spend a bit of real money. The cheapest thing I saw was 5 dollars for 50 K points, and as far as I could tell, you’d need at least 100 K points to buy any new clothing. Well, you can buy this leopard kitty named Charli for 50 points, but other than that clothing was 75- and up for clothing.

Which brings me to my next point, you HAVE to get new clothes constantly to move up from the “E-List” celebrity status. So either play a ton and don’t do any real missions, or cough up the money to make any further progression.

This game did drive me crazy for a bit, I had so many questions, so many thoughts. Will I ever find out if Kanye makes it into the game? Where is your baby Kim? Where’s North West at? I need to know these things! WHY DO YOU RECITE DIALOGUE SOMETIMES BUT NOT ALWAYS!? GOSH DARN DANG WHAT AM I DOING!?

I’m confused with my life, I’m confused at the choices I make. I know myself, I avoid this stuff. It’s not because I think I’m better or something. Heck, it’s not even about the Kardashian’s, or this game. I never play games like this, just like I don’t play MMORPG’s, because I get sucked in. It’s not good. I say I’m done, but I can almost guarantee I will return to for as long as it’s on my phone. It’s still there, and I can’t delete it.

You ask why? Well, to be completely honest with you.. There’s this red beanie I want my character to wear because I think it would be cute as hell.

That’s about all I have, like I said, it’s not bad, but it’s not good, it’s just so-so. While it’s probably not sending the greatest message with life tips like “date famous people to become more famous” the chances of that happening to random people are probably far and few, so who cares right? I guess that is how Kim Kardashian herself got famous right? That or her dad being a lawyer for OJ Simpson.. Oh, you don’t know who that is? Right, I’m old.

The Author

Johnny Ketchum

Johnny Ketchum

Writer and content creator from Denver Colorado, mostly knowledgable in the realm of retro video games he also creates music and music mixes.

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